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We hate to add another list of rules to life's already endless repertoire.
But, let's face it. The dating game is confusing. And that's an understatement.
Navigating your way through the world of the opposite sex can be mind-blowing and, at times, downright frustrating. While you may think you have the dating prowess of the next "Bachelor" (or "Bachelorette"), it never hurts to heed the advice of a professional.
With the help of etiquette consultant Flora Mainord of Flora Mainord School of Etiquette, we've compiled a go-to guide for dating to teach you some good old-fashioned manners. These Ten Commandments won't transform you into the next Hugh Hefner, but they will make you a date to bring home to Mom and Dad.
RULE 1. Be specific when asking for a date.
It's tempting to be vague when you're itching to ask someone out. It's understandable. You don't want to face the embarrassment of rejection. But Mainord says to stop dancing around the topic and to be straightforward with your crush. Instead of asking, "What are you doing this weekend?" go out on a limb and ask, "Would you like to go to the movies Friday night?" It takes guts to be bold, and your crush will take notice.
RULE 2. Set up a time, and be on time.
No, it's not attractive to be "fashionably late." Gents, by showing up on time, and ladies, by being ready when he arrives, you show that you respect your date.
RULE 3. Be clear about who pays for what.
More and more couples are splitting the bill on dates, but be sure to make it clear who's paying before it's time to dish out the dough. If you're hoping to go halves, you can easily avoid any awkwardness by asking for separate checks when you order. But, trust us. She'll be impressed if you pay.
RULE 4. Honor your father and mother.
We borrowed this one from the original 10, but applied to dating, it takes on whole new meaning. Mainord emphasizes keeping your parents informed and following their rules for your night out.
"Report where you plan to go, with whom, and when you plan to return," Mainord said. "If you are going to be 15 minutes late, call and let them know. Reassure your parents by proving that you have high standards and an appreciation of what is right."
Although it's easy to get caught up in the moment, always abide by your curfew and, perhaps more importantly, your date's curfew. By having your date home on time, you prove to his/her parents that you're worth having around.
Rule 5. Shut off your cell phone.
You may think constantly texting during your date proves how popular you are, but, really, it only shows your date that you aren't totally interested in him/her.
"Remember, when dating, no one wants to play second fiddle to a cell phone," Mainord said.
So, respect your date and those around you (in the movies, at the restaurant) by putting your phone on vibrate, or even better, by switching it off.
Rule 6. Be a good communicator.
There's more to carrying on a conversation than simply talking. It's about engaging with your date, asking questions and avoiding one-sided conversations. Keep the evening upbeat and positive by steering clear of heavy topics, like politics or religion, and by focusing conversation around your date, not yourself. And, while you should certainly avoid awkward silences, never keep the conversational flow going at the expense of others. Resist the urge to gossip, to betray confidences or to mention your ex - it's unattractive.
But, perhaps more important than what you say is how you say it. No, we don't mean using the latest lingo or cursing (although that's unattractive, too). We're talking about nonverbal communication. Body language often speaks louder than words, so assume an open and friendly posture. Give your date the attention he/she deserves through nonverbal signals like eye contact or leaning towards him/her during conversation.
Rule 7. Stay clean.
Never equate an enjoyable evening with alcohol, drugs or sex.
"There's always a temptation to drink or do drugs because others are, but when you do, you give up control to blind chance," Mainord said. "Do you really want to weaken your judgment?"
By staying clean on a big night out, you maintain control of the situation. If your date doesn't respect your decision to abstain, you'll know he or she is not right for you.
Rule 8. Be courteous.
Knights in shining armor may be a thing of the past, but when it comes to dating, chivalry isn't dead. Guys, you should open the door for your girl and pull out her chair, and, ladies, you should respond with proper thanks. By putting your date's needs before your own, you'll prove that you're relationship-ready.
Rule 9. When saying no, be kind.
It's inevitable. Someone you're not interested in will ask you out. While you shouldn't feel obligated to say yes, you should feel obligated to be polite.
"When someone asks for a date and you can't go, be honest," Mainord said. "But be kind."
Rule 10. Introduce yourself.
In high school, winning over Mom and Dad can be just as important as winning over your date, so when you meet the parents, be sure to show off your mature, sensible side. Shake their hands, look them in the eye and tell them your name. Speak confidently, but respectfully, and make it clear your intentions are honorable.
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