| Face-to-face is how to win her heart |
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| Written by Dana Murphy | |||
| Thursday, 06 November 2008 21:29 | |||
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A new trend in dating has crept into our generation's courtship practices as a side effect from the domestication of cell phones and personal computers.
These days, forgotten wingmen everywhere find themselves replaced by iPhones and MySpace. What I refer to is our reliance on technology to communicate with the opposite gender. Asking a girl out over Facebook or "getting to know each other" through texting has replaced the refined dating techniques of our parents (ok, probably more like our grandparents.) How did they ever get dates without the aid of a BlackBerry? What on earth did they say to each other without the aid of instant messaging? I will tell you: they went out on a limb and asked in person. Allow me to explain. Too often this generation, myself included, casts the values and traditions of our parents into the "old fashioned" file. But they had it right. They actually had to talk to each other (dare I say it?) face-to-face, in person, man-to-woman, etc… and so on (cue scary dramatic music.) Asking a girl out on a date fifty years ago was not as simple as hitting her up on her cell. A man could take pride in overcoming rejection, nerves and whatever else encompasses asking a girl out in person. This, of course, was back-in-the-day when men stood behind what they said. Men have it easy today. The luxury of text messaging has removed the stress associated with asking someone out by taking away nonverbal communication and direct identity. Because text messaging cannot easily relay tones or faces, rejection by text lessens the blow and allows the rejectee to avoid the rejecter for as long as he sees fit. I assume falsely though that our generation honors the gender roles that males pursue and women wait to be pursued. This too has changed with technology's influence. Women are just as much at fault as men, for two reasons. For one, women have misplaced their patience. Instead of waiting for the man to initiate communication, it has become acceptable for women to "make the first move." But ladies, it is a basic fact that men are hunters and gathers. He needs a good chase to realize how much you mean to him. Secondly, women have stopped demanding respect. A woman should realize she deserves face-to-face communication over a Facebook message any day. And she should not settle for less. I recently had the opportunity to test out my theories about our generation's communication habits. As a waitress, getting hit on is as common as bad tips. So, several months ago, when a man asked me for my number at work, I tested the waters. "I'm sorry," I replied. "I only just met you and don't feel comfortable giving you my number." Expecting him to be put off by my shut down, I was surprised when he rose to the challenge. He asked me if it would be all right for him to ask for my section the next time he came to the restaurant. I never dreamed he would follow up with his request so I half-heartedly said, "sure, might as well." A week later, he paid me another visit. Only this time his question changed to, "Are you ready to give me your number yet?" The answer was still no. He seemed undaunted by the refusal, and stayed to talk to me the whole evening. He was making an effort to get to know me, but more than that he was making an effort for me to get to know him. He allowed me to go as slow as I wanted, and he had no choice but to follow because he only had communication with me in person. I did eventually give him my number, but not until after I felt he had a good picture of the real me. So many character aspects cannot be relayed through a Facebook profile or texts, and I did not want him to have the wrong impression. So ladies and gents, I beseech you, therefore, TALK to each other for goodness sake and the sake of each other. Because guys, "that girl" is worth the risk. And girls, nothing is more flattering than knowing "that guy" took a risk for you.
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